Daydreams and Monsters

Today I was to write a serious post about important things such as: plans, life, meaning of life, homeschooling, traditional schooling, our purpose in life, children growing up too fast, and other very important matters. As it was meant to be a very important post about extremely important matters, the monsters sensed my plans and schemed and conspired against me.

Sophia hijacked my brain with her screams which could put a banshee to shame, clutching onto me for dear life and making sure that I didn’t put her down for a nap. Zoya decided to do 'homework' meaning she chose today to color in Zayn’s favorite book. Today is also the day she chose to be independent and pour milk in her cereal bowl and all over the kitchen table. It had to be today when Zayn,(normally the sensible, mature firstborn)conveniently forgot to sweep the kitchen floor after breakfast and now I'm fighting an army of ants all the while Sophia continues to cling onto me like a chimp, a cute one, but a chimp nonetheless. Then there's Sayf who blatantly told me that today is not a good day for me to be screaming at them since he's trying to visit his alien friends in his imagination and I (his mother, the reason he exists) am interrupting and making it hard for him to concentrate.

Sophia the sad

It's a day which has left me exhausted and brain-dead at 11 am; a day which makes me think and utter horribly ungrateful, horrid things about the most important aspects of my existence. It's the sort of day where I see no end to my tiredness and am drowning in self-pity and misery. A day when I won't take too many photographs because I am too weary to do so and not sure if I would want to remember a filthy apartment with cranky children.

One might think that after having four children, I would have understood that life with children is unpredictable, and that any notions of perfection are just those...notions. Nonetheless, old habits die hard and a dreamer I remain. One moment, I'm daydreaming about the Nobel Peace prize I will receive for raising incredible human beings and the next instant I'm brought back to reality with loud, half-naked, mini humans chasing each other around the apartment.

When dreams shatter, or when awakened rudely from daydreaming I tend to respond in a not so graceful fashion. I yelled and screamed at the monsters and scolded them for everything they were doing. And then with great guilt it dawned upon me, I was scolding my children for being exactly that, children. I want them to be who they are, yet I was telling them to stop being themselves. I was searching for purpose and the meaning of life, yet I had forgotten the purpose of a mother is to love patiently through the ups and downs of life; to keep our heads up and keep going as life is full of errors. I've been so preoccupied with schooling (homeschooling vs traditional) yet somehow forgot that with time we learn everything and mistakes only make us better, complete and human.

As mothers, we often lose ourselves in the everyday chaos of childhood and life, forgetting that nothing is permanent and one day we will have more time, freedom and even sanity than we'd like. So for now, let's celebrate the mayhem, the exhaustion and the noise, and let us be grateful for the monsters in our lives.

Homework Queen

With Love,
Jawaria