To Messi, With Love

Being someone whose definition of outdoors fun, means lying in a hammock in the shade while reading a book, rest assured sports have never been a part of my life. 

A few years ago my then 8-year-old Zayn announced to us that he wanted to become a professional soccer player. So we did what most parents do; nod in agreement, said why not, and bought him the soccer ball of his dreams for his birthday.

As time went on Zayn's convictions became  stronger and his dreams grew bigger, and I was unwillingly dragged to practices and games. One day he said, "Mama, my dream is to become as amazing as Messi when I grow up". Being oblivious to who Messi was and being a mother I responded, "You'll be better than Messi". Zayn giggled and informed me, "You do know he's the best soccer player on the planet?" So, I inquired, "Is he cute?" and Zayn wrinkled his nose in pure disappointment. 

Fast forward to the 2014 Soccer World Cup finals. Zayn had begged me to watch the match with him and for the first time all 6 of us sat down to watch a sporting event as a family. The match was between Germany and Argentina. When asked who I was supporting, my response was, "This German player looks cute so I'll go with them".

In the midst of the match I saw my 10-year-old cheering for a team he had no association with. I saw him wave an Argentinian flag which he had made prior to the game. Above all, I saw him hold his breath as Germany scored, and tears rolled down his cheeks when Argentina lost. I saw a fire lit within my son, a fire full of passion and dreams beyond the reach of my imagination. That day, I changed.

I enrolled Zayn for every soccer event and started watching more matches with him. He started reading more soccer books and started sharing stats, photos and various tactics with me. As time went on his love for soccer made our relationship even stronger and brought us closer as a family. Zayn forces his siblings to play with him, he practices with his dad,and he talks to me in great depth about everything and anything soccer. Oh, and he wants to learn Spanish because Messi speaks it.

Last night, we watched the Copa America final, and I found myself uttering horrible words at the Chilean team. When Messi missed the goal, my heart sank. When Chile won, I shed tears. When I heard that Messi announced his retirement from International soccer, my heart ripped and neither Zayn nor I could sleep.

Being a mother, I still tell Zayn that he will be better than Messi. But win or lose, Messi has won my heart just like the hearts of millions of his fans around the world. To me, Messi is the greatest hero of our times because he made me understand my son's passion and love for soccer and brought us together.

Mr. Messi, you have already won the most important game of your life...you have won the hearts of your fans (and their mothers). So, thank you, for your passion, your skills, and for showing us what being the best means. 

With Love,

Jawaria

A Very Zoya Birthday

My Zoya monster turned six this past Saturday.She's my only offspring who arrived on her due date and since then nothing about her has been predictable.She is vivacious, loving, kind, dramatic, dainty, rough, anti-pants (because she'll turn into a boy), yet climbs trees and tackles her brothers in poofy, twirly dresses.

Around here, we like birthdays a bit too much and by we I mean me and my Zoya. Both of us start reminding everyone at least three months in advance and anxiously await the big day. I always tell people I'm just super glad that I was born! In all honesty, I don't know what I love about birthdays; the one day which is only yours, the celebration of life, gratitude of being able to see another year or just the cake and presents. My love for birthdays has been transferred to my children, but no one more than Zoya.  Following our birthday tradition we decorated our tiny kitchen; bought a tiny cake and wrapped presents for our big girl. We wake up extra early on birthdays to cut the cake and devour it for breakfast weekdays and all. It's  a tradition which I hope continues forever. 

Zoya had asked for a baby doll with a diaper bag and a nail polish; not any old nail polish but a Zoya nail polish. She saw it in a magazine at my hair dresser's shop and since then has wanted it. Jibin and I are pretty laid back parents for the most part but strict when it comes to manners, make-up and a few other things, so the nail-polish wasn't even a consideration.

However, we do have a policy in our home that if a person can convince the others, we are willing to bend and break the rules. Up until Friday, there was no discussion, no nail polish and then suddenly she asked me if I had bought the nail polish for her. I said, "No nail-polish" to which she responded "I don't want any nail polish, it has to be a Zoya nail polish". In my grown up mind, I had all sorts of worries that she's already being influenced by the superficial things, and what if she doesn't appreciate her natural beauty. I also thought she sounded like a demanding brat by only wanting a particular brand. Nevertheless, since we were having a discussion, we asked why did she specifically want a Zoya nail-polish. I did assume that it was her name sake but still wasn't sure why the obsession.

 Zoya said " Because, I am famous". At that moment, Jibin and I were both taken aback rather dumbfounded, to be frank. She told us the truth. A six- year- old's honest to goodness, no nonsense,basic, realistic and innocent response which put me to shame.
We had been corrupting her simple desires and innocence in our minds. To Zoya, seeing her name on a product made her believe that she was famous and that was the main reason she wanted the nail-polish. Nothing more, nothing less. No complicated, over thought, corrupted background story, nothing. Just because she was famous. 

And who am I to tell a six year old that she's not famous? Who am I to destroy her imagination and dreams? So at 8 p.m. on Friday night Jibin walked into  Ulta  and paid $8.99 for a bottle of nail polish...the price of fame. After all, you only turn six once and it's not everyday that one becomes famous. Zoya squealed with joy when she opened her nail polish and told us " All my dreams have come true". 

 Zoya with her beloved nail polish

With Love,

Jawaria

A Week In Photographs

When I started this blog, I wanted to write for my sake, sanity and to better my skills. I had every intention to write two posts a week and on set days. All was fine until one day I decided, that I had too much time on my hands and I should complicate my peaceful days with Home-school.In all honestly, I'm torn over this decision. I have days when I am at peace with everything and love it and then there are days when I don't know what day it is! My blog has taken a back-seat and I do miss that. I do hope I can continue to write for me, for you and for the sake of everything which requires a rant. If I do go missing, please forgive me and pray for my safe return from the evil clench of homeschooling. In the meantime, enjoy the pictures from this week.

 On Saturday we had a delightful morning tea/brunch with some good friends

 Zayn made and served my afternoon tea perfectly...meaning I get to sit on the sofa more

 Sophia's pregnancy ruined me...I want to learn to sew and bake. Never had those desires before

 I made this bonnet from a sheet. Who am I and where are the birds and mice?

 Meanwhile, these two have not taken these cape socks off in a week

 Last time Sophia was seen in her bed. She has since moved into our bed and if we tell her no, she cries bloody murder all night long

 Winter Preparation

 This is the hope and plan for this bed

 She insisted on having the hoop around her whilst reading

 Zoya wearing pajamas which  belonged to Zayn then Sayf and hopefully they'll last till Sophia's turn

 And how do you eat a Pear?

With Love,

Jawaria

Childhood, Cyber-schooling And Everything In-between

Albeit being much later than I had anticipated I'm finally able to write this post about Cyber/Homeschooling. This is of course a first impression post based on my personal experiences thus far.To be honest, when I enrolled my children in cyber school I wasn't completely sure what it consisted of. After a month, we are getting into somewhat of a routine with chaos and madness still triumphant more often than not. 

Cyber school has two options: Virtual Classrooms and Blended Classrooms. A Virtual classroom is the closest form of traditional, brick and mortar school. A teacher teaches online and there is class participation where the students can raise their hands (by clicking on the raise hand button and when the teacher calls the said student's name, the talk button is turned on and the student can speak into the microphone to respond. While doing group assignments all the students can talk at the same time and can participate in active discussions. The students can see the teacher but they can't see other pupils and the teacher can't see them. The school my children are attending uses Lincoln curriculum which most Public schools do.

A Blended Classroom is quiet different and is more of a review class whilst the student home-schools. It's more of an online support or help for the parents and students than an actual classroom. Blended classes are also optional meaning the student is not required to attend but it's beneficial if they do. A teacher holds a classroom once a week for 2 to 3 hours and reviews the basics which ought to be covered during the week. The pupils can speak and answer questions so it's nice as far as participation goes. For Kindergarten students Blended classes are the only option available as the student home-schools. Because Blended is closer to Homeschooling the curriculum used for these classes is called Calvert which comes with teaching manuals to aid the parent who is the main teacher.

Zayn is enrolled in a Virtual Classroom. His classes are back to back from 8.00 a.m to 12.00 p.m. Being in 6th grade, he does get quiet a bit of homework most of which he does on the computer and has to scanned then e-mailed to his teachers.

Sayf was initially assigned a virtual classroom but being a 3rd grader he was not able to focus if I wasn't sitting next to him so we switched him to a blended classroom. I'm not too fond of it mostly because it's a ton of work for me.

Zoya being a Kindergartner was only able to attend a Blended Classroom and just like Sayf I have to teach her which with a 1-year-old can be a challenge at times.
When we enrolled the children in Cyber school it was out of necessity. Our neighborhood Middle school is failing and I didn't want Zayn going there. For Sayf and Zoya it was transportation which forced me to choose cyber school over the really nice Elementary school. We made the decision at the last moment and didn't know what to expect or how Cyber schools worked. 

A day at school sometimes looks like this

In all frankness and honesty, we expected to receive three laptops and call it a day. The amount of stuff that comes with Cyber schooling is a lot! I mean A LOT! Each child received a laptop which must be returned if we ever decide to pull them out of Cyber school. The rest of the stuff consists of printer/scanner, a lot of books, art supplies, papers( all sorts of paper for art, writing, drawing, science, gluing, pasting, math and who knows what else!), science experiment supplies(scale, butterfly garden, seeds and soil for potting a plant, a fossil kit,index cards), math learning material(Base ten blocks, geometry blocks, rulers, dice, counting blocks, scientific calculator division/multiplication cards, clock), and even a writing board and dry erase markers. Zoya's kit even included paints, yarn, beginner pencils, molding clay and a CD full of nursery rhymes! If that wasn't enough we got bombarded with P.E equipment for each child including books on how to use the equipment, balls galore(basketball, football, soccer ball, T-ball, playground ball,bowling ball, beach ball), T-ball kit, jump ropes, bowling set, stretch bands, bucket stilts, pompoms, bean bags, baseball bases, hop scotch mat, badminton kit, a ring toss, pedometer and few other things I'm sure I'm forgetting.

Being novices Jibin and I were very unprepared and having signed up at the very last moment didn't give us much prep time before school started. That along with living in a 675 sq ft. apartment was a lethal combination(at least it felt like it would kill me) and certainly threw us off our game and took us an entire month to get organized. We had to declutter, rearrange, organize the children's bedroom from top to bottom and make space for what seemed like the never ending boxes. As for the children, it was Christmas in September. Last but not least, I had to change Sophia's routine so I could teach while she napped.

This is the first week when we finished the lessons on time and had a place for everything rather than searching like maniacs for each book and pencil. I'm grateful for all the equipment and the lesson plans we've received. I never thought we'd Cyber or Home-school our children yet here we are. I like the fact that there is a curriculum to follow but I do wonder if Homeschooling without a curriculum or unschooling is something I want to dabble in next. 

There are days when I'm exhausted but then there are days or moments when there's complete harmony and I'm grateful for the extra time I get to spend with my children. If you asked me two weeks ago I'd have told you flat out that I'm never homeschooling/cyber-schooling again. 

The fault of being human is that we change our minds and hearts and no decision is ever final. Today was a great day in my world and I'm contemplating another year of Homeschooling. I'm not sure if Cyber School is the route but there is a certain beauty in teaching and learning along with my children. We share wonderful amounts of time together; the extra walks, the unplanned afternoon teas, and the many things I witness in those school hours which I wasn't even aware I was missing.

Above all, my fear of them not learning anything is subsiding because in reality they are always learning...Always. Children are far more aware and curious of their environment and don't take anything  for granted. I'm also learning to slow down, to enjoy what's been given to me and be thankful for this moment. After all, this moment is all that's been promised. And in this moment, I want to enjoy seeing my children be children and appreciate the time I have with them. In this moment, I want to not worry if they'll learn everything the curriculum or school says they should. Childhood is the most beautiful yet fleeting part of life. It's innocence fades much sooner than we anticipate and I want to enjoy and soak in that innocence and magic for as long as I can. 

 The scene which made me question my sanity and every decision I've made to date

 Boxes

 and boxes galore

The After: Proudest moment since giving birth...at least it felt that way

Some of the sports equipment and bags

The file cabinets which hold supplies along with the ginormous shelf in the previous pic

With Love,

Jawaria

Rules and Chaos

During the school year I'm a stickler for rules, organization and routine; no television, no technology, wake up early and a tidy apartment. Not surprisingly, summer vacation is most certainly my favorite time of the year. As my children grow older, I've learned to appreciate the time I get to spend with them. The rules are meant to be broken and chaos triumphs all sense of order. As the children sleep in till 10 or 11 a.m., dishes, laundry and dust pile up. Our days are spent being outdoors, playing board games, Legos or reading books and our evenings watching films. At the moment, our children are obsessed with 'The Princess Bride'  and enact Inigo Montoya all day long: "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die". Yup, all day long!

At the beginning of summer, our tiny apartment looks spotless and organized and orderly. However, by the end of summer vacation it looks like what the after effects of an elephant stampede and a tornado happening simultaneously would look like. I don't mind it, knowing that summer is short and the children are getting older, too fast, too soon. Plus, once school starts I have all the time to clean and organize. Normally the kids and I do a detailed cleaning and organizing a week before school begins to instill some order to the madness and chaos, which a new routine will most likely bring.

Nevertheless, all that seems to be a lingering memory of the past. This year we have decided to Cyber School the children in a 675 sq. ft. apartment. It was never part of the plan but due to unforeseen circumstances it’s happening. This means that I will have 4 children with me at all times, 24/7 for the next 365 days, who will be attending school virtually meaning their classroom is in front of a computer screen. To be honest, I'm still not sold on the idea and am still looking for options.

Any and all rules which have been established in the past are mocking me mercilessly. It’s a reminder that life is ever changing and being too set in our ways leads to nothing but misery. Yet, all my ocd heart and mind desire are order and  I'm hopeful that by the end of this weekend, I would have some routine and some sense of what I am doing. My entire knowledge, belief system and any system of order will be challenged to the max. And this, my friends is giving me more anxiety than all the uncertainties of life combined!

Before Summer

 Marker tower being built

With Love,

Jawaria

Parenthood

Whenever child free friends ask me to describe motherhood/parenthood the first thing I want to utter is children are the best and worst thing that can happen to you. To say they topple your world upside down is an understatement. Parenthood is to willingly lose your sanity but loving every moment of it. Or it’s like bringing a bull or many bulls into a china shop and even after everything is ruined and broken you still love and adore the bull and couldn't imagine or remember your china shop pre bull.

The challenges of having and raising children are physically  (I have wrinkles and grey hair, nail polish on one nail. One.Single.Nail. Dark circles, unruly hair and who knows when I last showered) emotionally (I cry at the thought of changing yet another diaper, cringe every time they need to use the bathroom seconds after I've cleaned it and shed tears when I have to reheat my food or tea for the umpteenth time) and mentally (I search frantically for my glasses all the while they sit nicely on my nose, take pleasure in counting to 3 especially if it means it'll move the judicial process faster and the verdict on who hit whom first would be delivered before the number '3' is uttered out of my mouth), demanding and draining to say the least.

I haven't slept properly or peacefully in eleven and a half years. Abnormal fears have taken over what once was a peaceful, worry free mind and "if" has taken over most of my vocabulary. (If you do it ever again, if I see you not listening, if you don't behave, if I feel the need to yell again, if you would've just listened, if you can't share, if you hadn't taken after your father, if you only knew. If.)

I am tired and frazzled before I leave the house and exhausted after a day of shopping. Who am I and what has happened to me? I haven't read picture free books in ages and if I did I found them "boring"or “draining”. Again, who am I?

My life is a series of interrogations which begin and end with "why". “Why must you have so many rules, why is it inappropriate to not wear underwear, why is it illegal to marry your siblings, why are you always so tired, why is your tummy squishy, why do you have freckles, why don't I have freckles, why did you marry Dad and not Captain America,  why do we have to brush our teeth daily, why can't sugar be good for you, why are vegetables healthy, why did the firefighters wave at us, why do fires happen, why do people die, why can't we have a puppy, why can't we go to the moon, why must we follow the rules, why, why, why”.

There are moments of utter chaos where I can't wait for it to be over; I've sent the children to bed at 5 p.m. just because I couldn't handle it anymore. I have uttered words that I wish I hadn't. There are nights when my husband and I look at each other depleted and exhausted and in these chaotic, bone tiring, sleep deprived moments we ask, "what were we thinking?”

The good parts are more difficult to put into words. How can I describe what it feels to love someone more than yourself; or to have your heart belong to someone with a milk mustache, filthy hands and crooked teeth? However tiring, long and draining the day is, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. How do I explain that in a single day I live a thousand lives and die a hundred deaths?

Parenthood means chaotic days and restless nights. In rare instances, the fog lifts and we stand confused, proud, baffled and grateful. Instances when the teachers thank us for raising "wonderful children" and we stare blankly making sure they are referring to the creatures we call monsters. Or that random midday call from the school office with the squeaky voice of an 8-year-old who was "just making sure you're okay."

In these unpredictable moments it occurs to us that we weren't thinking. We simply weren't. Nothing wonderful in life is ever planned or easy. We couldn't have possibly planned, imagined or even anticipated this magical chaos. I try to convey this to my child free friends, but they pitifully tell me that I've lost my mind (which is motherhood in a nutshell). So I simply smile and tell them what all the greats have always said:
You'll know once you have children of your very own.

With Love,

Jawaria

If Only We Read More

Whenever I see my children read a book it fills my heart with joy. Both my husband and I grew up voracious readers and continue to enjoy reading. These days my reading material consists mostly of 30 word books but Jibin continues to read to his heart's content...anything and everything. I believe that's how reading should be, sure certain material is inappropriate for certain ages, but I'm talking about the plethora of material available - newspapers, newsletters, magazines, menus, billboards, even junk mail and of course books.

My grandparents used to make me read the newspaper out loud in two languages every morning. It was an activity I loathed, but I now realize how much it helped with pronunciation, enunciation and even understanding the definitions of words. I remember being bored and asking if I could read the horoscopes out loud. (Now normal people might consider it to not be reading, but I was lucky that my grandparents were not your average folks.) They would listen to our horoscopes every day and I assure you, not only did I learn a lot of new words but learned an important lesson, that our destiny lies in our hands not within a strip in the newspaper.

Process of reading a book

I remember reading books and losing myself in a new world; often wishing I lived there or that I was that particular character. To this day, I remain mesmerized by classics such as Alice in Wonderland and The Secret Garden. I remember feeling emotions with and for the characters: afraid, angry, confused and sad, and then rejoicing when everything was alright. I remember curiously questioning from an early age the ‘how and why’ of the story and always wondering about the what- ifs. I cried reading The Secret Garden and remember running to my grandmother and sleeping in her bed because I never wanted to feel lonely or sad. There was another book called The Flying Chair and while I don't remember the story, I do remember the blue cover with a chair suspended in midair. Oh how I wished and desired and still do, to have a flying chair of my own which would take me everywhere. How, I would just sit on it and travel the corners of the world, go on adventures and in case of trouble, my flying chair and I would quickly escape. The chair also seemed to make sense design wise; it made so much more sense than the flying carpet. I mean people could fall off a carpet but with a chair there would be something to hold on to!

In college, I was one of the first people to read Harry Potter. A lot of the so called cool people, including my now husband, teased me about my infantile choice of reading material, until I challenged them to read it. I would like to claim that J.K. Rowling's success is in some parts due to me, or so I would like to think.

Then there are the less known books such as Global Dreams and The McDonaldization of Society. These books opened my eyes to the reality of our world; globalization, impact of big business on the world economy and how the governments were less in control of their countries' own economic needs. As a result the gap in the upper and lower class was widening and the Middle class on the verge of extinction. No longer could a blue collared worker save, own a house, a car and send his children to college, whilst retiring peacefully. In today's economy white collars are barely making ends meet as economies crumble and governments collapse.

These understandings outlined my own personal beliefs and how I wanted to live and raise my children. I have a greater respect for our planet, our purpose and our fast diminishing  resources. My purpose and desires became clear : Live small, travel, learn and live for the satisfaction of the soul rather than that of  society. Live fearlessly, serve all humans and practice humanity before any religion and above all raise children who can and will make this world a better place.These reads not only made me a better human but also a much better mother.

Reading not only opens doors to the world but also boosts one's confidence, which frees the reader from the norms or the so called ways of the world. It allows one to see the world and life in a different and imaginative way and allows for dreams to become reality. Reading reduces fear of the unknown but expands imagination and vocabulary. Logic defying desires, dreams of flying in a chair, dancing with butterflies and fairies, heroic desires to help strangers, understanding, patience, love for mankind and a strong belief that dreams are meant to come true (even at age 36), all come from books and an avid reader ready for a grand adventure. The great books of the future will most likely come from today’s voracious readers, after all, who better to describe a dance with fairies or a visit to the dragon’s dungeon than the one who's actually been a visitor, even if it were only in their imagination.

Early morning reader

 A Princess reading to her "Doggy"

With Love,

Jawaria